Welcome back to Shitbox Showdown, the new home of challenge pissing (click this link at your own peril). Thank you Matt for bravely stepping in on Friday with two cars for people who take things from hotels when they check out. Not soaps and shampoos, mind you — more like oil paintings and the receptionist. In all seriousness, the flu is no joke this season, so get those shots so you won’t feel like you’ve got a glob of JB Weld in your sinuses and a stuck closed thermostat for more than a couple days. Anyway, let’s see how glass transfer case versus possible bad transmission played out.
As expected, this one was tighter than a pair of American Apparel disco pants, with the three-pedal X-Type just barely taking the lead. I feel like the correct answer here is to buy both and build your own manual X-Type wagon, but that’s probably a lot more time than you’d want to invest in old Coventry tat.
While Chrysler is currently part of the monolithic Stellantis group, it’s a brand with a long history of shacking up with other automakers. From its acquisition of AMC to its buyout by Fiat, the Pentastar has had a rocky road over the past few decades, especially in the DaimlerChrysler years. A “merger of equals” which was anything but, the period between 1998 and 2007 was marred by poor quality control, soaring losses, and alleged cultural clashes. Oh dear. If the sibling rivalry was intense through the duration of the merger, let’s throw some fuel on the fire by pitting one Mercedes-Benz product against a Chrysler car. That’s right, we’re going Daimler vs. Chrysler.
2006 Chrysler Sebring GTC Convertible – $3,000
Engine/drivetrain: 2.7-liter V6, four-speed automatic, front-wheel-drive
Location: Del Sur, California
Odometer reading: 173,000 miles
Runs/drives? Indeed
The second-generation Chrysler Sebring was yet more evidence that the Chrysler in Daimler-Chrysler was silent. Sure, it packs some sitcom star appeal having been driven by Michael Scott, but this was really the darling of the rental car lineup circa 2006.
While it’s hard to believe that 2006 was 16 years ago, just one glance at this Sebring is enough to dump the icy Gatorade cooler of reality straight onto your head. The fabric roof appears careworn, the clearcoat is clearly bleached from years out in the desert sun, and the lights have done that lovely frosted glass thing that takes heaps of elbow grease to sand off. On the plus side, life in the desert means that the pinch welds look really clean, the electrohydraulic cabriolet top still works, plus the overall look can almost be described as rustic. You can’t fake this sort of patina.
The seller hasn’t included a picture of the Sebring’s interior, although you’re not missing much. Loads of fake wood and some seriously cheap plastics suggest a lack of money and imagination, particularly in contrast to earlier Sebring cockpits.
Although earlier 2.7-liter Chrysler V6s are pure, unmitigated piles of shit, it’s relatively rare for these later models to suffer from the same sort of catastrophic sludge you’d see on older Intrepids and the like. However, the 41TE automatic gearboxes in these Sebrings aren’t exactly known for being robust. Still, judging by the Pacifica parts car clearly visible in one pic, the owner of this cheap cabriolet likely knows exactly what they’re doing. Plus, everything for this car should be cheap and readily available at your local auto parts store.
2004 Mercedes-Benz E320 – $2,900
Engine/drivetrain: 3.2-liter V6, five-speed automatic, rear-wheel-drive
Location: Los Angeles, California
Odometer reading: 245,614 miles
Runs/drives? In the words of the seller, “very much good.”
Ah, the W211 E-Class, now that’s an attempt at righting wrongs. With the W210 E-Class of the late 1990s having developed a reputation for dodgy quality control and shocking corrosion, the W211 E-Class was part of Mercedes-Benz’s rebuilding season. It brought in new technology, more modern design, and better build quality than its predecessor, and while it didn’t restore Mercedes-Benz’s reputation, it certainly didn’t hurt cred.
Then again, the appearance of this particular example isn’t doing Mercedes-Benz’s image any favors. What the actual hell is going on with the rear end on this thing? It looks like several kilograms of body filler have been smeared on with a trowel, resulting in the real-life version of excessive airbrushing. Add in an awful paint job with overspray onto the license plate, and you get one haggard Merc. Granted, it shouldn’t be too hard to source a used trunk lid and bumper, but that’s assuming there’s no damage hidden beneath.
Fortunately, the rest of the car looks fairly alright. There are a few dents and blemishes here and there, but nothing out of the ordinary for a high-mileage car. The seats still look to be in remarkable shape for 254,000 miles and the owner attests that this thing’s passed California smog testing. What’s more, the dashboard doesn’t look like a Christmas tree at all, with the multi-function display showing no current faults. As far as cheap cars go, ugly beats broken almost every day of the week.
You’d expect any German car with nearly a quarter of a million miles on the clock to be an absolute nightmare, so it’s not surprising to hear that there’s something worth looking out for on these early W211s. See, instead of a conventional braking system, Mercedes-Benz equipped these cars with something called Sensotronic Brake Control, or SBC for short. Instead of using a traditional master cylinder, SBC is an electrohydraulic system that keeps brake fluid pressurized to between 2,000 psi and 2,300 psi. The thinking went that this system could be used for more precise stability control activation and several convenience features including soft stop. Unsurprisingly, these SBC systems fail fairly regularly, to the point where Mercedes-Benz USA has extended a goodwill service campaign to 25 years and unlimited mileage. However, as this particular E-Class doesn’t have air suspension, SBC is about the only serious failure point on it.
So, are you on team Daimler or team Chrysler for this one? While the Merger of Equals is now ancient history, relics of this era still roam our roads. Choose wisely.
(Photo credits: Craigslist sellers)
I hate Sebrings, but that Merc scares me. The no Fs given “repair” is a show stopper. I voted for the rag(ged) top, but in truth I’d rather kick a scooter to work.
That hacky bodywork is enough to keep me far away from that Merc. Lord knows what else is held together with bubblegum and bailing wire. They couldn’t even be bothered to remove the plate to rattle-can it?? Wow. Garbage or not, at least the Sebring looks honest. I guess I’ll flush my hypothetical $3k down the toilet with the Chrysler turd.
Ew. What a fantastic pairing of piles of poop. I’m going to naively assume the damage to the trunk and bumper of the Merc is from backing into a pole or something, and can be solved fairly easily by a run to the junkyard. With that assumption in place, and knowledge of the stupid brake system, I’m going for the E-class, because it might actually run reliably, whereas I know that Chrysler is going to blow up at any moment.
If I had to make this awful decision, I would choose the Merc. While I love convertibles, I would be too ashamed to ever put the top down on this one. Without looking at the interior, I’m sure it is covered in a sticky gray grime that all Chrysler interiors seem to decay into over their 20 year half-life. At least there is some hope of recovering $$$ from the Merc when it inevitably dies from some fatal failure. I can cut it to pieces and ebay parts to all the other folks that chose poorly.
I was ready to race down to the poll and vote Merc because Sebrings are just fundamentally awful cars, but WTF is going on with that Benz’s booty? The Kardashians would be ashamed of using that much filler out back. Honestly there are no good answers today, but I voted for the Sebring because * gestures vaguely at Merc derrière. *
This ay be a hot take here, but I have seen the problems of the hydraulic brake systems in the Merc world, and it is a hassle. That coupled with the fact that this is a Crubside dealer with 15+ wrecks all for sale on craigslist tells me the bandages on this beast hide an infection that may require intrusive surgery to remedy. That and what else are they hiding underneath the hood -a little bars leaks to plug a leak here, and some ATP-205 there, a little honey in the oil to deaden some lifter tick to make a quick sale- are more than enough to keep the wise at bay.
The 2.7l sludge monster, no amount of sound deadener will hide the noise and tells of that motor. Better the devil you know than the devils you don’t.
How could the back of the Benz be so bad? They sold a ton of those things, and silver trunk lids and bumper covers should be findable at a wrecker. Why blow…(looks at picture…squints a little)…25 minutes on this type of half-assed body work?
More importantly, if it drives well, replacing those parts, wash and wax could make it worthwhile as a flip as long as the rear differential isn’t now a rear-mid differential.
As far as either of these cars, I’d rather buy one of those cheap-ass go karts they give away as prizes on The Price Is Right. They are both brutal.
In regards to the Big Bill link up at the top, it reminded me a bit of this whole series of Spoof ads making fun of Michigan’s “Pure Michigan” tourism campaign. Here’s a car related one for those of you unfamiliar with them (they made a lot of vids so wormhole at your leisure, lol):
https://youtu.be/8KLcI6dqssc
The Ded Bob show!
Such a rabbit hole
The back of the Benz looks like it was the product of one of those AI generators. Still, even with whatever mystery damage it’s suffered over time, interior seems decent and if it runs as well as they say, why not.
Which one of these do I want? Uhh…maybe the…well…
Goddammit I went to college!
Sehr Gut oder nichts – to paraphrase the seller’s exemplary grammar.
I think I’d roll the dice on something that was kinda-sorta built to a standard, run hard and put away wet, much less for many miles versus something with the same treatment and built to a…um, far lower standard new. I like the IDEA of the 2.7, but the execution is dog crap and if I’m going to buy a hand grenade with a missing pin, by God I’ll get the more comfortable one.
Older convertibles make me nervous. There’s a leak in that top somewhere!
Pretty sure I can SEE a couple spots that almost have to be leaking. So there’s probably a lot more leaking than those.
Don’t want either, but somehow hate the Chrysler less.
Somehow.
I could never buy anything Chrysler with that 2.7. how it made it past 80k miles to begin with is baffling. the 3.2 Merc is not that much better, and the sbc is a very expensive nightmare, but I think I can part it out for more than the Sebring. neither are worth the price for admission here.
I’m with you on this one. The 2.7 is bad enough, but the transmission is even more worrisome.
As for the Merc, it didn’t get to a quarter mil be accident. It’s been cared for, with the possible exception of that rear bodywork.
The Merc, just to throw it in a Lemons race and see how it holds up.
you would have to get the price down 2500 bucks
There’s always lies, bribes and selling the interior, don’t forget.
“Of course I sold the interior for $2299. Here’s the handwritten receipt totally not signed by me!”
The Mercedes says it has a clear title, but I have to wonder if the repair job on the rear just means someone self-repaired to avoid a salvage title.
If the trunk lid and bumper are actually the only damage back there, that’s probably better than replacing the top on the Sebring, but it’s a big if.
I cautiously give the nod to the Sebring, but I am not tempted to buy either one.
It definitely looks like a rattlecan paint job on the back, but it is soooo bad.
Any time I see paint like that, I have to wonder what damage they were trying to repair without documentation. It’s possible they just didn’t have insurance (or had a high deductible), so they went DIY to save money, but that still means that there could be damage they didn’t see.
The fact that this dealer hasn’t fixed it…I’d be unwilling to put much faith in it.
Merc. Both are meh. But at least with the Merc you can probably get what you put in when you realize you made a bad choice.
While the lifting clear on the Sebring could be freshened up with a DIY green pad scrub and a quick shot of clear, the top looks like it is ready to wear through. Put the same elbow grease into the Mec via a junkyard bumper and trunk and you still have a better vehicle even with those miles.
Mercedes please. As I get older, I appreciate a nice interior more and more.
Sebring for one reason: The rear end of the Merc looks like someone got freaky with the Photoshop “Content aware fill” tool and I suspect there’s a real scary surprise back there.
I don’t care that the later 2.7L might not sludge up. No Chrysler, no way, no how.
I think the solution of a heated EGR that was quietly implemented in ’02-’03 permanently fixed the sludge issue.
The sludged motors rarely got to 100K miles. Most of the 2.7s left on earth have that mileage or more at this point.
Team Sebring! Been there, let’s do it again!
So, I went back to see if I missed anything that would make me want the Mercedes,
Turns out the seller has 15 cars listed on Craigslist. To me this is a major Red Flag FWIW
Listing says for sale by dealer so that explains 15 cars.
Pretty cursed pairing today, well done as always. As much of a drop top lover as I am it’s really hard for me to appreciate a damn Sebring. I have some seat time with the prior gen to this one and it was one of the most soulless driving experiences I’ve ever had. They’re completely gutless cars that are totally detached driving experiences….they’re appliances that happen to have roofs that go down and I take their existence as an insult to all the magnificent roasters out there. I adore open roof motoring but it isn’t enough of a pleasure on its own to redeem a POS appliance car. I guess if you’re a retiree in Florida who hates driving and does 10 under all the time they’re probably alright but I’m a lead footed imbecile who loves driving.
This Benz is ROUGH. The hack job on the back is horrific and makes me question what the car’s been through…however, this generation of E class is pretty good for the most part. My family has a diesel E class from this era and I really liked it (and also totaled it! A story for another time). The interiors are a nice place to be with all the wood, leather, and soft surfaces. Obviously reliability is spotty but if this example has already made it over 250k it can probably keep going.
So for me it’s the Merc. I’d budget a couple grand into making the body look presentable again then drive it until it dies. It’ll make a decent cruiser.
Sebring all the way. POS it may be, but one I should be able to keep alive with the excellent junkyard next town over.
Oh geez, this is a tough one. I picked the Merc, but I’d rather Thelma & Louise the Sebring, right off a cliff! At least that is what one should do, if you are caught with a Sebring.