Home » Formerly Nice Cars That Aren’t Sensible At All: Mercedes 450SEL vs BMW 750iL

Formerly Nice Cars That Aren’t Sensible At All: Mercedes 450SEL vs BMW 750iL

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Hey everyone, it’s Thursday! One more day to go. For our last matchup of the week, I decided it was time to be a bit less sensible, and look at two cars that used to be nice, and maybe could be again, if you have infinite patience and a large bank account. Before we look at them, let’s settle yesterday’s score:

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No AC in a black car. Hey, who doesn’t love a good Korean BBQ?

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Now, today we’re going to check out two of Germany’s finest offerings from their respective eras, a pair of top-of-the-line long-wheelbase sedans. These cars were the ultimate in status symbols (well, almost; we’ll get to that) when they were new, but now they’re not likely to impress anybody without some work. Let’s take a look.

1976 Mercedes-Benz 450SEL – $1,650

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Engine/drivetrain: 4.5 liter V8, 3 speed automatic, RWD

Location: Gardena, CA

Odometer reading: 150,000 miles

Runs/drives? Yes, but “needs a major tuneup”

First off: No, this is not a 6.9. I doubt it would be under $2000 in running condition if it were. But the 4.5 liter V8 in the “normal” W116 is no slouch, and it’ll certainly move better than the turbodiesel version will. It’s just not quite the velvet sledgehammer that its big sister was. Still, even without the extra displacement and the magic hydropneumatic suspension system, the 450SEL badge means something special.

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This one is apparently owned by a cinematographer, and one who is proud of the meager mise en scene that a parking lot in Gardena has to offer. This ad has the strangest attempts at artsy photos that I think I’ve ever seen. I mean, isn’t it customary to actually photograph the car you’re trying to sell?

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It’s too bad, too, because it’s a handsome car. Granted, W116s (and most ’70s European cars) look a lot better without the gigantic 5 mph bumpers, but if they really bother you, European-style bumpers can be found. The rest of the exterior looks really damn nice, actually, especially for the price. And I don’t know why I’m stuck on unusual reds this week, but this is another great one. See? You can choose a bold color for a luxury car and have it still look classy.

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The interior is said to be in “not good” condition, but it’s hard to assess with the seat covers on the front and blankets and towels over the back seat. The dash and door panels sure look fine. But honestly, even if the seats are trashed under those covers, who cares? If this thing runs half as nice as it looks, it could be a steal.

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Of course, it’s still a vintage high-end Mercedes, so maintenance is not going to be cheap, especially if you can’t do it yourself. But if you don’t mind tinkering, then you only have to worry about the exorbitant cost of parts.

1995 BMW 750iL – $2,500

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Engine/drivetrain: 5.4 liter V12, 5 speed automatic, RWD

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Location: Bonney Lake, WA

Odometer reading: 195,000 miles

Runs/drives? Not so much

I have to be honest: I assumed our first twelve-cylinder car on here would be a Jaguar. But a photo of a flagship BMW with a 2×4 for a hood prop is like catnip to someone who writes about crappy broken cars. I just couldn’t resist.

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And this thing is a hot mess. The ignition switch is broken, the DME (BMW-speak for engine control module) is toast, and there are markings on the windows that look suspiciously like impound lot scribbles. I get the feeling that this car was stolen, impounded, and then auctioned, which would account for the rebuilt title. Clearly there’s some work to be done before you go living out any James Bond fantasies, but it sounds like most of what you need to get it running is included.

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It’s also, for some reason, missing the exhaust system past the headers. Maybe whoever stole it absconded with the catalytic converters before they ditched it. I have no desire to own this car, but I sure would love to be around when whoever buys it fires it up for the first time. I’m curious to hear what a BMW V12 with open headers sounds like.

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The biggest problem with it that I can see is that one mid-’90s BMW sedan looks pretty much like any other, especially in scruffy beat-up shape like this. You might know it has a twelve-cylinder engine, and you might impress a few people at Cars & Coffee, but otherwise it’s just an expensive, thirsty pain in the ass.

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So there they are, two grand old German luxury sedans well past their prime. Which one is more worthy of a spot in your theoretical driveway?

Quiz maker

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rootwyrm
rootwyrm
2 years ago

I had an electrical and drivability specialty.
I am a fucking wizard with automotive electrical systems. I’m the guy who can fix the CANbus error on the first try and NOT have a return. When the error codes make no sense, you bring that shit to me, and an hour later (pending parts) it’s back to closed loop. I can identify good fusible links without referring to the manual. I like a challenge.

AND YOU ARE FUCKING HIGH IF YOU THINK I WOULD EVEN LET ANY ONE OF YOU BUY A 750iL WITH ELECTRICAL PROBLEMS.
No, SERIOUSLY. I will literally come to your house and slap the title out of your hand and stare in furious judgment while I made you dismantle it and take a plasma torch to the frame rails.
No! I don’t care who you think you are. You cannot fucking fix it. I could fix it, absolutely, as soon as you’re ready to pay for a MoTeC GPR-M190, wiring, and programming.
That’s a $6,500 ECU, a $900 dual lambda module, about $1000 in sensors, call it $9500 for the wiring, and I charge $250 an hour for custom programming – actual time only. Plus dyno expenses. (So yes, it will be more than $10k. Probably a lot more.)

You know what? No, no. Anyone who does vote for it has to pay me to fix it. And it’s done when I say it’s done.

EricTheViking
EricTheViking
2 years ago
Reply to  rootwyrm

Your ranting is exactly the correct response and excellent reason for avoiding the BMW E38 7-Series.

Deuce
Deuce
2 years ago

I mean maybe if the BMW ran and was $2k cheaper it would be a fun drift car for 2 hours before it imploded. Benz all the way.

Slow Joe Crow
Slow Joe Crow
2 years ago

This was a no brainer. The BMW 750iL is a legendary money pit in good condition and this one is fit only for use as Ford Windsor swapped Lemons car. The 450SEL is running, driving and $1000 cheaper, which will cover most of a thorough service at an independent specialist.

Eephus
Eephus
2 years ago

Hmm, the Merc could be pretty sweet, a little risky, probably needs $10K to get it usable… let’s see the other one… ah a long wheelbase BMW, looks … OH HELL NO

Drad
Drad
2 years ago

I love BMWs. I’m a sucker for a 90s 7er, but I went with the Merc. The BMW is too far gone. Scrap it.

Jmtucker3
Jmtucker3
2 years ago

I picked the Bimmer because I had an older 730i when I lived in Germany. It was a great Autobahn car with the 3.0 liter 6, I can’t imagine it with a 12 cyl. It’d take a ton of money to get it into good running condition, though.

Beasy Mist
Beasy Mist
2 years ago

Is the steering wheel on the Benz upside down or do they just look like that?

StillPlaysWithCars
StillPlaysWithCars
2 years ago

Merc by a landslide. Not only is it cheaper but it is the functioning one.

Manwich
Manwich
2 years ago

My vote goes to the MB… it being much older makes it more of a novelty and thus, more interesting.

andyindividual
andyindividual
2 years ago

The MB seems to have all the important parts and there is nothing you can’t fix on those. If it needs engine work, you work on the engine. If the BMW needs engine work, you need an engine.

andyindividual
andyindividual
2 years ago
Reply to  andyindividual

Also, the MB is cheaper than yesterday’s 14 yer old Kia. My brain hurts.

MaximillianMeen
MaximillianMeen
2 years ago

Those MB photos have more lens flare than the collected works of JJ Abrams.

But I’d still take the MB any day of the week.

MaximillianMeen
MaximillianMeen
2 years ago

I worked for Motorola’s semiconductor sector in the 90’s, and at one of the monthly divisional meetings, management was touting how we had over 70 chips in the latest BMW 7 series. Even without the obvious water damage (check out that headliner), I wouldn’t want to rely on all 70 of those chips still functioning. We stressed them to 20 years equivalent lifetime and guaranteed them for 10.

98Z28
98Z28
2 years ago

While I like the BMW, it is beat the crap and not running. Will take the dubious Merc over it for less money.

Jalop Gold
Jalop Gold
2 years ago

Have no problem working on BMWs of this vintage, but not with more than 6 cylinders…

Donald Petersen
Donald Petersen
2 years ago

I have no desire for either one, but the Mercedes is easily and by far the better choice. It’s not actually a shitbox, whereas the BMW most assuredly is a shitbox.

Donald Petersen
Donald Petersen
2 years ago

It does amuse me that there isn’t a single comment speaking up to defend the BMW.

Bob
Bob
2 years ago

I would get it for the M73 V12 to do a swap into my BMW 850 with the M70. Pretty Straightforward. Would not be pay $2500 for it though.

Might get lucky with a Limited Slip rear end.

Part out the rest on Craiglist and send the rest to the scrapper

Boulevard_Yachtsman
Boulevard_Yachtsman
2 years ago

No contest, Benz-me. In fact, I wish this w116 was closer – at that price, I’d be happy to detail it and just park it in the driveway for awhile. I’ve owned a variety of w114, w115, and w123 Mercedes and even the shit-boxiest among them would fire up without too much fuss. Meanwhile, I tried to help a friend out with what looked like a nice ’85 BMW 735i, but it seemed near impossible to work through any of the electrical gremlins hiding within that thing. He finally sold it out of sheer frustration.

Mojonaut
Mojonaut
2 years ago

I think this could be the easiest choice yet. The Mercedes. I’m not the biggest BMW fan (and I only like older Mercs), though I do like the 7 series from this era, but this looks too much like a basket case, and that centre console has WAY too many buttons. The Mercedes is elegant, and probably doesn’t have as much that can go wrong (though I would leave that to an expert to find out since I certainly ain’t that).

VicVinegar
VicVinegar
2 years ago

Is there supposed to be an upside to that BMW? Body is damaged, missing an exhaust system, doesn’t even have a hood prop. I guess it is cheap, but it is not usable in its current state.

Unacceptably Dry Scones
Unacceptably Dry Scones
2 years ago

I’d say maybe to a 740i beater but hell no to any 750i, even a nice, clean example.

mr.choppers
mr.choppers
2 years ago

Apparently, 7% of Autopian visitors are absolute raving lunatics. I want to hear their reasoning!
The Bimmer might be worth $2,500 in parts? The Mercedes is worth $6K in any state except California.

Gilbertwham
Gilbertwham
2 years ago

Lie everyone else, it’s the Benz ftw. I’ll take red pig over white fright pig any day.

GermyShoe
GermyShoe
2 years ago

Though I voted for it, the upside-down steering wheel in the Merc (with the wheels pointed dead ahead) would drive me absolutely crazy.

acrimoniousmofo
acrimoniousmofo
2 years ago

There are, apparently, living breathing humans voting for the BMW. Who the hell are you people, and what is wrong with you? Is there some kind of childhood trauma involving a boxy Benz that you’d like to talk out, and get off your chest. I mean if not here perhaps you would consider some professional help?

Seriously though, why!?!

Bob
Bob
2 years ago

BMW 850 owner here, that 750 is a parts car

CRX89
CRX89
2 years ago

v12, open header, no need to keep the car nice.

OrigamiSensei
OrigamiSensei
2 years ago

If I didn’t already have the old executive sedan slot filled in my garage I’d be tempted to take on that Merc as a project. The only real downside to the car is that it’s a ’76 which means it needs to be smogged here in Cali. Otherwise the price it so low it leaves me wondering if it’s a scam. As of the moment I voted the Merc is getting the 90%+ vote it merits.

Even the V12 can’t save that BMW. Woof.

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