Pity the car blogger.
Each morning they stare at a blank template that they’ll need to fill a few times during the day with content that will get ‘engagement’ in the form of likes, comments, and death threats. Thankfully, there are always a few go-to topics that are nearly foolproof for getting clicks. Self-driving car issues? Tesla controversies? Both of these together?
Another somewhat popular blog starter now is the death-of-the-sedan saga. We all know that the ‘crossover’ ate up the sport utility vehicle, which had already devoured the station wagon-killing minivan. Now, this all-things-to-all-people vehicle type has its sights set on what was once the most popular body style of vehicle sold. This growing extinction of the three-box vehicle is likely being hastened by the fact that the remaining sedans available are fastbacks that should really be hatchbacks, most with near-vertical trunk lids the size of library book returns.
Source: Toyota, Honda
Still, sedans have historically been strong sellers since many buyers like the noise isolation from the rear wheels and from cargo like smelly wet golf bags, peat moss, or bodies of gangsters that were about to turn state’s evidence (plus many feel it is more ‘secure’ in a real trunk). This topic came up again a while ago when a reader asked for The Bishop to make a “new” Ford Crown Victoria, something that might appear in Robocop 4 as the basis for a futuristic heavy-duty cop car. I typically don’t create modern car concepts, but this one seemed dumb enough that I had to at least take a look. I mean, I’ve put a total of about 100,000 miles on two different Panthers (don’t ask) and I’ve seen a few episodes of Cop Rock, so I’m quite qualified.
source: Wikipedia/IFCAR and Wikipedia/IFCAR
The ‘Panther’ platform Crown Victoria began life as a ‘downsized’ full-sized Ford LTD back in 1979. The basic body-on-frame rear-drive chassis stayed almost the same up until the by-then aero body-clad aluminum-engined final version ceased production over thirty years later, still being used by taxi drivers and law enforcement officers nationwide. Almost all Vickys have been retired by now, and I’ve rarely found a cop that doesn’t miss it. Imagine yourself putting on a bulletproof vest and a belt containing a gun, a club, and God knows what else and then stuffing yourself into a vehicle all day long. Do you want to climb into an Explorer, or cram yourself into a Dodge Charger? No, you want to slide down onto a big living room couch bench seat in a car you can steer with your pinky in total isolation from the pothole-filled streets beneath you and all of the shit rattling around in the trunk (with a horizontal lid, like God intended). That’s how you want to spend thirty or forty hours a week. Cornering prowess? Who cares. I mean, a perp can’t outrun radio, and the morons often drive home anyway.
Obviously, introducing a new sedan by a company that recently decided to end production of anything in that body style would prove problematic. I mean, I do fantasy work but not so far out there as to assume Ford or any Big Three would start a new platform from scratch. Certainly, it would need to be big and indestructible, almost like a truck. Wait a minute…don’t you think that a current Ford F-150 chassis has to be more advanced than the old disco-era Panther? What about the EV Lightning chassis?
source: Ford
source: The Autopian
Making a ‘pickup truck sedan’ is not a new idea. In Brazil they had offered such a thing by company called Tropiclassic.
source: Tropiclassic
Some websites like Sketchmonkey have made concept sedan versions of trucks, and in my opinion, they don’t do it particularly well (or the AI shit that’s been roasted before). Typically they get the proportions and details all wrong; they chop the height and leave a giant grille or some other such ham-fisted stuff. I’m hoping they’re doing it as a tongue-in-cheek joke since that’s what the results look like.
Not that our “F-1-Vicky” will be a thing of unparalleled beauty. There is only so much you can do with a truck-based vehicle, but then that’s part of what will work with the “ugly brute” aesthetic. I’m thinking about something akin to the Presidential limo ‘The Beast’:
source: Wikipedia/ Frank Schwitchtenberg
For an actual Ford example which is not truck based but just as imposing, there is the last of the big Lincoln Town Cars from 1976-79 as seen on Schitt’s Creek:
source: Mecum
Or, better yet, the Russian limo ZIL. Just look at that thing below. Would you go knock on the window and ask a question without a missile strapped to your back or an M72 LAW rocket on your hip? Fuck no. That will be part of the look we’ll be going for – inspiring fear.
source: Wikipedia/ByvalByvalich
I’ll have to shrink the wheelbase a bit so my dream of using the skateboard chassis as-is didn’t work, but it’s still a very, very similar chassis albeit a bit shorter and sitting closer to the ground (likely requiring a taller floor to clear the batteries). We could use the chassis length as-is on a possible “stretched” model. Still, even chopping a foot or so off of the length of the Lighting truck, this thing will be HUGE. I’m estimating around 221 inches long, or the same length as a full sized cop car from 1974 like this one the City of Mount Prospect was practically giving away:
source: Wikipedia/ DownTown Me
We’ll add a Crown Victoria style chrome grille in front, but the rest of the aesthetic will be more F-150 than the fastback Aston-Martin nosed things that comprised Ford’s sedan lineup before they were all killed off (and continue to be built in other markets). I mean, you could push and pull a Mach-E shape to this size and proportion but that would be pointless and detrimental to the function. No horizontal six foot long piece of glass for a backlight, no rear doors that sweep down to a few inches tall in back.
source: Ford
However, even though this thing is the size of an old school land yacht, it’s still shorter than a lot of full sized SUVs, and unlike an old seventies LTD this thing would have massive space inside. The interior is so large that you could do what I’ve seen images of some Havana taxi drivers do with their giant old American cars: they add another row of seats inside. This “three row” thing is a bit tight in those, but our Vic interior is big enough to make it work. The rear (and front) seats can slide forward and use some of the trunk space below the fold-down package shelf for jump seats, sort of the like the electric RAM Revolution truck concept. Of course, there’s a giant trunk, plus, don’t forget the frunk for luggage or weapons (for cops OR taxi drivers).
In back, the license plate is in the bumper, leaving a big vertical surface on the trunk lid since as a police or professional car you might want to add graphics or, as a cab, put on a large advertising banner. Oh, and old people could put on a continental spare tire hump.
Inside, the dashboard looks rather similar to the retired Crown Vic, big and slablike. However, that ‘slab’ has a secret: it’s all screens from left to right. This mean that you can configure the thing essentially any way you want or that makes sense for the use of the vehicle. I particularly like the idea since you are so used to seeing these things with screens and displays haphazardly stuck onto brackets on the instrument panel of cabs and cop cars.
For example, there could be a ‘civilian’ setting for the dealership-customized version designed to appeal to old people with a simple gauge cluster in front of the driver, a center stack with simple radio and climate controls, and a screen in front of the passenger that shows and accent panel in any image you want (walnut, brushed metal, etc.).
Here’s the Cab/Uber layout where the right hand side typically can show music playing, driver info, route, and cost. Note that David Tracy is driving to make ends meet on Jason’s tiny island nation since you guys won’t all sign up for memberships. See what you’ve done? Plus, he has to advertise for the only strip club on Jasonia; imagine what it’s like with drunk guys throwing giant Jasonian coins on stage.
Now the Police layout where the screen(s) are used for the purpose of the stuck-on laptops you see now, with a wireless keyboard for either officer to use. Sadly, David didn’t realize that Jasonia has reciprocity with US states like Michigan, with instant web access from the dashboard of the Vic, so he can’t escape his offenses there.
Who would walk into a dealership and buy one of these things? Likely nobody as a personal vehicle, except for a few old people if you add a vinyl roof. Honestly that’s the whole point- a purpose-built vehicle is not meant to appeal to those that don’t need that functionality (the popularity of Jeep Wranglers driven by teenagers to school tends to prove that point wrong). Besides, can you see Starsky and Hutch sliding over the hood of an Expedition? Or DeNiro piloting a Nissan NV cab in Taxi Driver? No, you cannot. Maybe most Americans don’t miss sedans, but some professionals still do, and they might buy this monstrosity.
Just our luck, some Gen Z “influencer” like Kendall Jenner would appear with one of these and this behemoth would suddenly the be next Maybach. Shit, they made a 1979 German Jeep (the G Wagen) an aspirational vehicle, so anything can happen. God help us.
source: Wikipedia/Georges Biard
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This is a great idea and love the look. While so many won’t drive a large sedan like this, there are those of us who have one large vehicle for certain uses and a smaller fun, vehicle to drive. I look around my area and I see this on a daily basis.
Also, anyone over a certain height appreciates larger vehicles because they can actually sit without their knees kissing their chins, or having to slump down because your head is bumping into the roof line, especially in the back seat.
It’s not hard to see a market for this if you just squint your eyes a little.
Responding to my own post. I want to add a small note that the somewhat regular disparaging of anyone over a certain age is getting tiring. We’re not stereotypes anymore than the rest of you. I say we because from what I read I fit that model. But it’s tiring to say the least. To you young ones, remember this will be you one day. I’ll see myself out thank you.
The side profile of the F150 4 door basically shows that it already is a sedan. All that needs to be done is weld the box section together with the cab section and stick a conventional trunk lid on the box.
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Everything old is new again…
I have a pretty solid memory from back in the dead-tree glossy car magazine days (probably early ’90s) of one of the prominent writers (Brock Yates maybe?) writing an opinion column proposing exactly this – using a slightly modified F150 frame as the basis for a simple, practical full-size sedan to replace the aging Crown Vic. The primary difference then was the lack of electrification. It’s still a good idea today.
Your Emminence,
thank you for devoting your attention to the Panther-life. I like what you have done here, however would appreciate if you could revisit some of your decisions and come back to us after some serious soul searching. Since you yourself have enjoyed the operation of such a vehicle it may have occurred why it had such an appeal with transportation providers and law enforcement; basically keeping the same car for decades and perfecting the robustness so that downtime is kept minimal. It is a key feature that you won’t find a button with a secondary function or overlay, therefore your long-term failure prone dashboard screens have to go. HVAC, window switches all one real physical button equals one function (I’ll give you a slider for the mirror adjustments though).
Seating; instead of the bus- or funeral procession row after row seating, why not opt for the much more social and distinguished vis-a-vis seating? For patrol service, make it a shortened coupe (GT Falcon style), those rear seats tend to be heavily underutilized,
thank you for your time
bracq- I understand your point, but in reality if the electronics can work (and they do on millions of touch screen phones) then it ultimately might be better to have no moving parts. I mean, even on tanks like my old Mercedes S Class and aforementioned Panther Lincoln things like window switches eventually failed.
I did, in fact, add a few assignable, multi-use switches in the center of the dash based on the same argument you’ve presented for things like cabin temp and hazard flashers (and there is a real glove box button).
I’m pretty sure that arrest warrant would read: “Arrest Driver. Dispose Vehicle.”
Taking possession of a Tracy vehicle could result in: endangering tow crew, disappearing (decomposing) evidence, or massive tetanus outbreak.
SquareTaillight- that’s why there’s a front trunk on this thing for the cops to hold hazmat suits, respirators, and giant BIOHAZARD stickers
I like how you managed to sneak some Autopian fanfic into your design article. 🙂
Oooh, I like this. I believe there should be a place in the world for such beasts even if it’s primarily for fleet usage and only a niche market for non-commercial buyers.
The right side screen idea for police cars is quite cool, but it probably needs to be an option for cost-cutting purposes for other purchasers.
The third-row jump seats are an intriguing idea and greatly increase the flexibility for a cab/Uber option.
I know the whole past era re-imaginings is your schtick on this site, but I’m digging this take on a modern idea. That is to say, I’m hoping to see lots of crazy ideas without limit.
Having learned how to drive in a 1973 Buick Electra 225 I approve.
Bassackwardsracing- this is only around 221 but it will do
I wouldn’t want to drive it or even necessarily have it parked in my driveway, but I would love to be picked up at the airport in something like that! Plenty of room to stow my bags and stretch my legs without requiring a stepladder to get in.
Duke of Kent- exactly. I mean, I wouldn’t want to drive those purpose built vehicles you see on the runways at airports, and this is the same thing. Actually, some of those weird airport vehicles would be pretty to dope to drive on the street, now that I think about it. Like a Bluth stair truck.
Watch out for hop-ons. You’re gonna get hop-ons.
What’s with all the dissing of old people? You wouldn’t be here without them, you know? 🙂
Yes but they shouldn’t drive.
What? Just because they’re old they shouldn’t drive? I’m an old by the standards of this site, but I drive better than the vast majority of people I see on the road. Come on, age is not the problem, it’s mental acuity.
Pretty intersting to think what will happen with self-driving cars and then, I am assuming, 95 year olds can still buy vehicles.
I like the low beltline, but I don’t think it works with the little dips by the mirrors (Can’t for the life of me remember what those are called) like the F150 has. With a little bit or Aerosion, it would be perfect.
I will only buy a TorchCab if it is being piloted by an animatronic torso like a Johnny Cab in (the original) Total Recall.
The torso being modeled after Torch himself, of course.
Shut up and take my money!
This looks so much like a Volvo 960 that I almost thought I woke up from a 25 year coma with PAG still liberally platform sharing with FoMoCo.
66mustang289- it’s funny how when you intentionally style a car so that it essentially has no styling whatsoever, it unintentionally ends up looking like an old Volvo. Every time.
I just checked godaddy…. torchcab[.]com is still available.
mabus- “Uber says your car is too old? Too weird? Come to Torchcab and use our app. We don’t care. Hell, we have a Yugo taxi, a Pao cab, an F-150 non crew cab….”
I like this idea, but I’d have done it a bit differently. I’d have went with a front end similar to the F150, but the rear would be more streamlined, with aesthetics sort of like a 70s Torino. It would then be streamlined sufficiently that a Cd value of 0.20 would be reached, as was done by the 2000 Ford Prodigy sedan, but with a frontal area around 25 sq ft.
I wouldn’t just offer an electric option. The 5.0 V8 would be standard, there would be a Duramax turbodiesel option as well, plug-in hybrid versions of each, and then a pure EV option, as the body on frame platform of the F-series trucks can accommodate that. Assuming a curb weight around 5,000 lbs, this streamlining would allow for the V8 to get like upper teens MPG city and 35-ish MPG highway, the Duramax would approach 30 mpg city and 50 mpg highway, and the pure EV would only need around 250 Wh/mile. With a small 10 kWh pack, the plug-in hybrid variants would have around 25-30 miles all-electric range while keeping the battery in its state of charge sweet spot to maximize longevity.
I meant to say Powerstroke and not Duramax. Silly lack of edit.
Toecutter- I was specifically avoiding the fastback rear since I wanted a large trunk lid and vertical rear window. I know that hurts the drag coefficient but I think for 90 percent of this car’s use that won’t be that big of a deal.
This could solve a lot of problems. Old people in America today are genuinely confused about what to drive. SUV’s are just too hard to climb into. Camrys and Accords are too small because retired people who live alone require much more room than the average family. The Chrysler 300 has plenty of jurassic era style but has been unacceptable to its key demographic since they stopped including a CD player.
HonkeyfromtheCIA- yes, that was another reason for that jump seat. Old people are often wanting a third row “for when the grandkids visit” which is like once a year at best.
A side glass beltline that’s lower than the cowl? Is it 1987 again?
cn2800- Damn right. Cops wanna see out of their cars, thank you very much… and out the back window, too
“Pity the car blogger.” [Brain inserts image of Caroline’s Tired Dad]
The roofline and greenhouse have something of an Australian Fairlane/LTD similarity – not a bad thing IMO.
I think we’re going the wrong way here. Ford themselves said the BOF is the original “Skateboard” chassis. I don’t think you need to chop an F150 chassis to fit under a sedan body, just use what was already there. The last iteration of the Panther Chassis, introduced for the ’03 MY, was surprisingly modern. Apply the same Lightning modifications to the last Panther Frame to create a next-gen Panther.
Dual motor AWD introduces IRS to the platform, removing the rear frame hump and allowing for a larger trunk space (or flat wagon floor?!?!). A semi-structural battery reinforces the frame.
Oddly enough, I know you said you’d ditch the current Faux Aston styling, but all I could see was Lagonda in that front end. TBH, I don’t hate it. That can stay
There’s a big difference between a perimeter frame (Panther) and a ladder frame (F-150). Specifically, floor height. With a perimeter frame you can drop the floor down below the frame rails to make the whole car sit lower. But you sit on top of a ladder frame. There’s room for a suspension drop, and smaller wheels (gasp!) would further lower ride height, but there’s not much you can realistically do with a truck frame.
Old Busted Hotness- I was, in fact, at the Auto Show this weekend and crawling under a Lightning (“Dad, you’re kind of embarrassing me”) and indeed you will sit high (as I mentioned in the post). The batteries could be moved a bit but indeed you’re not going to get much of a drop. The roof can lower since legs can splay out more, but it would be much like an old Saab where you open the door and there’s a rocker panel BEHIND the door to step over.
I like this, I’d recommend it to the old people in my area.
I like that downward slope on the trunk. Really makes the whole package seem more compact.
Also, there’s enough final-gen Taurus in it that Ford could easily name it the Ford Gemini if it wanted to go for futuristic (b/c Robocop 4, damnit) instead of a Crown Vic (or Crown E-lizabeth now maybe?) derivative name…
I feel bad for David. I can’t imagine what he would do if they impound his vehicle. Probably have to fix and drive one of his 8 other backup vehicles?
Andrew- NO, they would be impounding his cab, which really belongs to Torchcab so Jason will have to pay to get it back AND bail his ass out.
“I’m estimating 221″ long”
“It’s still shorter than a lot of full-sized SUVs”
Does not compute. The Suburban/Yukon XL/Escalade ESV is 225″, the Wagoneer L is 226″, and that’s about it.
Common misconception though. Crew cab trucks are much longer than SUVs. Even the Excursion was based on a regular cab F250 wheelbase, it’s also shorter than a Lightning.
v10omous- it’s around ten inches shorter than the Lightning (231″), and the wheelbase was chopped as well. Still pretty damn big.
There are a lot of Suburbans/Yukons/Escalade ESVs on the road today, therefore the remark is valid. From a certain point of view.
That’s true, I did interpret the statement as “longer than lots of different SUVs”, but it could be read your way as well.
Nevertheless I stand by the statement that most people overestimate the length and size of SUVs compared to trucks, or even full size cars from the 60s-70s.
It somehow has some feel of those cancelled next generation prototypes from Checker Motors in the late 70s/early 80s, along with the Volvo 700/900 (which was the favored basis for East German state limousines), which, I guess makes sense, given the very similar designed-for purposes.
Its a rational, functional car. Always said the demands of commercial fleet managers and the preferences of private buyers are usually so far apart that it might well make sense to build something from the ground up for police/taxi/livery use.
Also, the dash is beautiful
https://www.artcurial.com/fr/lot-1989-citroen-cx-honecker-rallongee-par-nilsson-no-reserve-carte-grise-francaisechassis-ndeg
what ranwhenparked said. The dash reminds me of one of my all time favorites, the ’79 Bonneville,
https://images.app.goo.gl/fqpjP975r7s37aEbA
which may have been influenced by the 747.
https://images.app.goo.gl/rADSRqfQeLcqgoz87