Attention, Autopians: This is not a drill. Repeat, this is not a drill. I have found a Bentley, an honest-to-Crewe Bentley, in our price range. That’s right: a hand-built luxury British saloon (don’t you dare call it a sedan) for shitbox money.
And also a Geo Storm, and I always thought those were really cool.
So let’s get yesterday’s convertibles out of the way first:
I honestly had no idea which way this one was going to go. But apparently someone out there agreed with you all, as the be-stickered, dog-friendly, Gambler-veteran Eclipse is already in a new driveway. As for the Mustang, the only thing I can say for certain is that nobody who wanted it intended to leave it stock.
But now, on to more pressing matters. Internet classifieds are like Forrest Gump’s box of chocolates: you never know what you’re gonna get. And that’s what makes this job continually fun, especially when I stumble across the ultimate in British yard art. So without further ado, I present to you…
1989 Bentley Eight – $2,150 (seriously!)
Engine/drivetrain: 6.75 litre V8, 3 speed automatic, RWD
Location: Olive Branch, TN
Odometer reading: 69,000 miles
Runs/drives? Sadly, no; has been sitting for five years
First, let’s define what we’re dealing with here, because the ad is rather short on details. This is a Bentley Eight, the “entry-level” Bentley (ugh, how common), not the Mulsanne or celebrated Turbo R. But it’s still hand-built, one of only around 1700 of its kind, built in the same factory in Crewe by the same blokes who built every Rolls-Royce and Bentley. It’s still special. The Eight uses a naturally-aspirated version of the Rolls-Royce 6.75 liter V8, and, believe it or not, the same GM Turbo-Hydramatic 400 transmission as your cousin Randy’s Chevelle.
The ad is lacking in photos as well as text, but seeing such a fine British motorcar in a yard in rural Tennessee is surreal enough in small doses. I do wish we got a look at the interior, however, as it’s the condition inside that will determine if it’s worth fixing up. The “oily bits” are much easier to deal with than the leather and wool.
The seller has it listed as a “parts car,” but Bentleys are not the sort of motorcars from which one pulls parts. Due to the commonality with Rolls-Royce models of the time, most everything you need to bring this splendid lady back to life should be available… at a price.
Now, let’s be honest: there is every chance that this car will never move under its own power again. There is also a chance that the only way to make it move is to replace that famous Rolls-Royce powerplant with an LS V8 or something. But there is also the chance that the seller (or whoever parked it) simply doesn’t speak British car, or Bosch fuel injection, and some simple ministrations under a more knowledgeable owner will have it humming in no time. There’s no way to know until you dig into it.
The trouble with finding a car like this for sale, for my purposes, is what do you pair it with? What’s worthy of comparison to a hand-built Bentley?
1991 Geo Storm GSi – $1,500
Engine/drivetrain: 1.6 liter DOHC inline 4, 3 speed automatic, FWD
Location: San Lorenzo, CA
Odometer reading: 88,000 miles
Runs/drives? Runs but not drivable; brakes are out
I will freely admit it: I love the Geo Storm. I had a chance to buy one, a GSi like this but with a manual, and passed it up in favor of a 4 door Ford Escort hatch. Not one of my prouder automotive moments.
The Storm, for those outside of the US, is also known as the Isuzu Piazza or Impulse, depending on where you are. The Impulse version was also sold here for a while, featuring a prominent “Handling by Lotus” badge. I don’t know for sure if Lotus did the suspension tuning on the Geo version, but I do know that these cars attacked freeway cloverleaf on-ramps like they were mad at them, and gobbled up twisty roads like Augustus Gloop in the chocolate factory.
The only trouble is that, when this particular Storm was ordered new, some idiot checked the “Automatic” box on the options form. I can cope with automatics in some small cars, but dammit, a Geo Storm deserves better. Step one for this car should be to find a wrecked Storm, Impulse, I-Mark, or Chevy/Geo Spectrum with a manual and get to swapping.
The rest of the car looks decent, if not pristine, and I suppose even if you had to drive it as an automatic for a while, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. These things are getting rare, and beggars can’t be choosers sometimes. At least it’s a nice low-mileage platform to start with. The seller does say that the brake master cylinder is shot, preventing the car from being driven at the moment, but a new master cylinder is included. You and a friend could have it stopping properly and roadworthy in a couple hours.
Well, there it is: Shitbox Showdown history. I doubt we’ll ever have a chance to feature another Bentley, but someday I will find a manual Storm for us to consider. In the meantime, do you choose the safe and easy path and fix up the Japanese sports coupe, or tackle a budget project of epic proportions and attempt to revive one of Britain’s finest motorcars?
There used to be a billboard ad. “Man Lost in Storm.” Showed a guy sitting slumped in a chair, staring at a Geo Storm. Y’know, like it was obsessively pretty or something. I always thought that was a bit much. Before today’s Showdown, I hadn’t remembered what a Geo Storm looked like in years, though I’ve never forgotten the ad.
Anyway, I picked the Bentley. Even if I dragged it to the top of a hill, covered it in brown fur and rubber cement, set it on fire and ghost-rode it down the hill, it would be a highly amusing waste of money. More likely I’d do something marginally more practical with it, but the options are limitless. The Geo is just a Geo, but the Plutocrat’s Chariot is ripe for some lead-sled-style hotrodding.
A lead-sled Bentley would be incredible.
I suspect there’s something very shady about that Bentley. Looking at average prices, $2150 would be a record low. But if I had room, I’d be all in. Sure, bringing it back to life would be a Sisyphean task, but we’re talking the price of a new iPhone and a few Target runs. Park it in the garage, polish it up, and it’ll be a lawn ornament everyone in the neighborhood is talking about.
Since the ad for the Bentley describes it as a Parts Car, I’m going to give the seller credit (for once) as knowing what he has and vote Geo
Gotta go with the Bentley for that price. With the transmission already in there, a cheap Chevy small-block would fit easily enough. After that – glass packs, white walls, and maybe… just maybe some flames down the side for a delightful British rat-rod to thrash about.
We need to send the Bentley to Vice Grip Garage. I would pay to watch him try to get the Bentley running and driving. “Way too much…perfect”
For me this comes down to which one is likely to have less meth stashed in it, less being more in my book. I think the Bentley probably wins on that, so I will go with it. Plus, even if it won’t run I can say I own a Bentley. I don’t drive one, but I own one.
I think a lot of people that own Bentleys dont drive them. They got staff to do that. But if I had to choose, Id also choose the Bentley. Try an engine swap of some kind and have some fun.
Shitboxes with a capital S.
Went with the Bentley for reasons I myself don’t fully understand. I don’t WANT either of these, but the Bentley has a smidge more…prestige? Sure the Storm would be an easier fix, but when you’re done it’s still a Geo.
If the dash is any indication that Bentley Interior is trash.
The one in Atlanta though…..
That Bentley is such a terrible idea that only an idiot would pass it up. Go all balls and dive into that nightmare of a project. In the unlikely event that you can pull it off, you’ll have a car fit for a king at a baron’s price.
The Storm is something a wrencher could fix up for cheap and flip for $3,000. That’s easy money you can use towards the non-op British luxury saloon you just bought.
You could actually get the Storm running and drivable for not a lot of money, and in the current insane car economy that says a lot. The Bentley? Maybe you could get it running, but it will cost you an arm, leg, and several pints of blood.
Alternatively, throw caution to the wind, buy the Bentley, and turn it into a Gambler 500 entry. At least you’ll arrive in style.
I’d have to go with the Bentley, never get a chance like this again.
Gotta go with the Geo here, at least it could make reasonable cheap transportation with a dose of ’90s retro flair (perfect color for that!)
The Bentley is a nightmarish money pit.
It’s the Geo, even though the Bentley was fun to think about. Ultimately, as Outofstep mentions elsewhere, the Eight’s mineral oil hydraulics which actuate everything from the brakes and suspension to (practically) the power antenna are a pain in the arse to deal with, plus I can smell the mold in that interior from here.
I.. hmm.. of the two choices, if I’m forced to choose, I’d take the Bentley because well, when would I get another chance to buy one? Realistically though I think I’d rather walk..
Good news! You can buy the Bentley and still be walking. At least for a while.
Let’s be honest, likely for a long time,
hahaha nice
If the Storm was a stick I’d be in.
I’ll go with the Bentley and swap it.
The Bentley, all day.
I might be a teensy bit biased toward Bentleys though. The first car I ever traveled in was a Bentley 62 years ago, the same one I drove to Sainsburies this morning. I have only owed it for 41 years though
I’m going with Royalty this time. LS swap sounds good too
The Isu-er, um, Geo is the sensible choice. get the brakes fixed, wash it, detail it a bit, and you could probably flip it for a decent profit in today’s crazy market.
But the get-Bent-ley just has so much potential as a project for some sort Mad Max, chop-shop of horrors, super-happy-fun time shenanigan’s. You can’t pass that up.
I vote for the Bentley. I’m a bit conflicted about what to do with it, though. On one hand, a Bentley rat rod would be amazing. I would swap in a modified, emissions-deleted 6.7 powerstroke, with a straight pipe exhaust that exits in front of the rear wheels. Rolling coal in a stately British sedan turned oil burning hot rod sounds like fun. It would be simultaneously aristocratic and redneck.
On the other hand, the body looks generally presentable, so it might be worth doing a budget restoration. This could be a reasonably nice car with a bit of effort and $5,000. The powertrain and interior wouldn’t be anywhere near original, but it would be a way to drive a Bentley on a Hyundai budget.
Give me the Storm. If I remember correctly the Bentley used mineral oil for the brakes and suspension system and it was known for leaking mineral oil fricking everywhere! I don’t want that headache. Especially when it hasn’t run in years.
Bentley. There’s nothing like being rich for cheap.
Plus, if you work on it while wearing a wool monkeysuit, you’ll look very much of a certain time. Just make sure to ask your friend for the spanner.
I can see through the windows… the “condition of the interior” of the Bentley is… well, it’s giving chills. The “ick” kind.
Yep, had to vote Storm, because that Bentley interior is horrible. You can tell from the degraded dash and how bad the seats look through the back window.
Hell, there’s a Turbo R near Hotlanta that’s been there a minute. It has a higher chance of running, I do believe. https://nwga.craigslist.org/cto/d/lilburn-1995-bentley-turbo/7482384520.html
That thing is beautiful.
If you bought them both, you might get one working car out of it
That Turbo R looks really nice. I am genuinely curious who buys a $200,000 luxury car and neglects it to the point where it sold for parts with barely 60,000 miles. That car is only a few miles from where I live. If I had more time and mechanical ability, I would check it out.
The Bentley LS swap is awesome! Quite a few people do it, too. Ferrari and Jaguar also used that same GM transmission at the time too.
Gotta go for the Bentley. Worst case scenario it becomes a Lemons car. Wait: did this share that awful suspension &brake hydraulic systems some Rolls had?
The Geo is a hard NO with that slushbox. I did brakes or something on one, and the ( very brief! ) test drive was terrifying cause the shop was on a major 45mph road that everyone did 55-60 on. I about got run over! And, I’m not unused to low-power cars: I dailyed a 60-some hp Subaru-and was keeping & exercising a ‘58 Morris Minor 1000 at that time. That Geo was dangerously slower than a car some four decades older built under UK displacement tax laws.
It’ll sell, tho: prices on these got crazy last time gas hit $4
You’re thinking of the Geo Metro which was a Suzuki design. 1.0 3-cylinder engine. Another one on which the manual transmission’s a must; not only is it slow but it extracts a relatively huge gas mileage penalty which defeats the whole point of the car.
(no-edit edit) I meant to say *the automatic* is slow and it extracts a relatively huge gas mileage penalty
True for so many 3 speed automatic underpowered economy cars.
Unhappy flashbacks to the Dodge Neon my parents passed to me in college.
I don’t mean this as a typical Car Guy putdown, it is more of a genuine curiosity. How/why can someone not tell a Metro and a Storm apart? Especially someone who can make references to a Morris Minor and is at least vaguely aware of Crewe’s hydraulic suspensions? It’s like conflating a Ford Escort and a Probe.
“Another one on which the manual transmission’s a must; not only is it slow but it extracts a relatively huge gas mileage penalty which defeats the whole point of the car.”
Only for buyers who can drive a stick. For those who can’t it’s a moot point anyway.
Well, y’know, most drivers who can’t drive a stick could probably learn how, like the rest of us did. It’s not rocket surgery.
You mean the system that makes a Citroen suspension look about as complicated as a VW Rabbit? Yeah, it has that.
As for the Geo, if the one you drove wasn’t a GSi, I can see it being sluggish. The standard ones were about 30 horsepower lower. But even those, with an automatic, pass my “Is it faster than a 240D?” metric for vehicle acceleration.