Happy Halloween, Autopians! We’ve looked at some scary cars on here before, and today, of course, will be no exception. So hold on tight, because with one of today’s cars there’s no going back, and with the other, there’s no going very quickly.
First let’s look at Friday’s results:
Seems the once-mighty Camry might be showing some cracks in its armor. I don’t think there is a bad choice between these two, but the Ford does feel like a whole lot more car for the money. But the Camry seller won’t have any trouble moving that one, I’m sure.
Speaking of moving cars, today’s choices are somewhat challenged in that department. If you were to find yourself in a horror movie and had to get away from the monster chasing you, and these were your only escape options, well… It’s been nice knowing you. Let’s take a look. You can cover your eyes and peek through your fingers if you need to.
1992 Chevrolet Suburban – $1,500
Engine/drivetrain: 5.7 liter OHV V8, 4 speed automatic, part-time 4WD
Location: Rainier, OR
Odometer reading: 246,000 miles
Runs/drives? Yes, but reverse is out
I think I’ve spoken before about my fondness for the Chevy Suburban. These big friendly beasts of burden are just good at everything… except maybe parallel parking and conserving fuel. And with the GMT400 generation, the Suburban really came into its own as a comfy people- and stuff-hauler. Add four-wheel-drive, and you have a great way to explore the wide-open spaces.
In this case, however, better leave yourself enough wide-open space to execute a mother of a U-turn, because the 4L60 automatic transmission in this Suburban won’t go into reverse. The seller says it drives fine otherwise, with a basic throttle-body fuel-injected 350 V8 supplying the power. It also has brand new tires on it, so apparently the seller thought it was worth that effort.
This Suburban has the “barn doors” in the back, which I still think is the way to go. This one doesn’t appear to have a third row of seats, so don’t plan on bringing more than four friends along. The outside is scruffy and faded, but only has a little rust, and no obvious damage.
The inside is no prize either, with saggy seats and stained upholstery. And it looks like someone attacked the headliner; Michael Myers maybe, or Freddy Krueger. There is also a large crack in the windshield, bad enough that it should probably be replaced. But cosmetic damage at a quarter million miles is no big deal; the sketchy transmission, on the other hand, gives me pause.
2008 Nissan Xterra – $2,400
Engine/drivetrain: 4.0 liter DOHC V6, 5 speed automatic, RWD
Location: Wildomar, CA
Odometer reading: 250,000 miles
Runs/drives? Yes, but no first gear
“Everything you need; nothing you don’t” was Nissan’s advertising tagline for the Xterra. After the Pathfinder moved to a unibody design for its second generation, and became more of a comfy family cruiser than an off-road machine, the Xterra took its place as Nissan’s body-on-frame SUV offering, sharing its underpinnings with the Frontier pickup.
For its second generation, the Xterra got bigger, tougher, and thirstier, with a four-liter version of Nissan’s VQ series V6. In this case it’s backed by a 5 speed automatic, sending power only to the rear wheels. This particular automatic seems to be stuck starting out in second gear instead of first. I don’t know if this is some form of “limp mode” for Nissan, or what, but the seller says it drives fine on the highway, but accelerates sluggishly. I bet the already-bad fuel economy is even worse now, as well.
Cosmetically, this Xterra is filthy, but in reasonably good condition. The seller says everything works inside, including the air conditioning. But come on – would it have killed you to clean the junk off the seat and vacuum the thing before putting it up for sale?
I’ll admit, I always liked the Xterra’s tough-guy looks. The fat fenders, kicked-up roofline, and blocky shape make it look ready for anything. I know that’s the idea, and I’m falling for sneaky designer tricks, but I can’t help it. I like these things. But make mine a manual.
So that’s our Halloween edition of Shitbox Showdown. Two black SUVs, both with transmissions infested by demons. Time for you to choose the lesser of two evils.
(Image credits: Craigslist sellers)
Suburban. Parts grow on trees. Even a junkyard third row if you want it. Clean it up and fix it or beat it up on wilderness treks.
Suburban. Flip the lid and rip the mirrors off. Reverse? Where we’re going we don’t need reverse.
The Suburban is the correct answer and I say that as someone who currently owns and loves his 2nd generation Xterra (but with the 6MT). Until 2011, Xterra’s had an issue known as SMOD (Strawberry Milkshake of Death). Essentially the liquid-liquid transmission lines in the radiator suffered from poorly soldered joints. After enough time and miles they all failed allowing coolant into the transmission (and also transmission fluid into the coolant). This in turn corroded the transmission circuit board. This Xterra 100% has SMOD. The only foolproof fix is to replace the transmission with a known good one. There have been some forum members out there that managed to buy some time through copious flushes but in the end the transmission needed to be replaced. You’re looking at a $3k-$5k replacement on the transmission alone. Since you’re looking at a transmission replacement for both of these go with the lower cost of entry and to fix.
The Suburban is the easier fix since 4L60s are common but beware of mold in Western Oregon, my son’s 96 Suburban was like a Superfund site after several years in the Willamette Valley hauling wet dogs.
4l60es get a bad rap, but junkyard replacements cost pennies. GM all the way.
The Chevy continues the GM tradition of running badly longer than most vehicles will run at all. Plus, it will haul and tow a lot of stuff that the other won’t. It’s a win if you need a truck to use as a truck.
Chevy + 4wd = winner!
Lkq has a tranny for under 300 dollars, so …. not scared, just stupid!
Punisher seat covers, chrome exhaust pep boys here I come 🙂
Neutral + a slope downhill = reverse. You just have to plan ahead.
Can I just hide behind the wall of running chain saws?
Head for the cemetery!
If I’m escaping monsters, I want the big dumb block of metal that can drive through walls and be fixed by bashing it with rock, so Suburban is the way to go.
The Nissan is new enough that it is full of modern safety features that will disable it after smashing through crowd of zombies. I don’t want an airbag going off to prevent my escape and leave me to the zombies.
Running from the killer? Suburban, all day. Obviously he will be hiding all the way in the back and I’ll forget to check in my panicked state, or I’ll hit a tree when I’m distracted by a half-killed, blood drenched coed standing in the middle of the road and then I won’t be able to reverse out of there and that’s how I’ll meet my end.
However its still better than an xterra.
“This one doesn’t appear to have a third row of seats”
You’ve been fooled. That’s how freaking BIG Suburbans are, you have THAT much room behind the third row! It’s glorious! I’ll take the big Chebby. Not only is in cheaper, but fixing it will be cheaper too. I bet a good deep cleaning will make that interior a much nicer place to be.
Suburban all the way. The 4L60 is ubiquitous, and not difficult to replace or get rebuilt. Starting from a $1500 price point you can do a fair amount mechanically to keep it going another 150,000 miles and still keep it affordable. Who cares if it’s scruffy? At this point it’s a working vehicle, not a showpiece.
I did find the Toyota interior on the Xterra to be interesting… (obviously a picture got switched somewhere)
If it’s for driving I’d take the newer car, but you’re likely to be able to ride that suburban for free until you sell it since it’s achieved something of a classic status.
The Suburban does include the 3rd-row seat, it is mentioned explicitly in the ad and included in the picture. That is the space behind the 3rd row, remove the 3rd row and you have even MORE space.
I voted suburban because I own a ’99 and have been pleasantly surprised by its usability, gas mileage sucks, but I don’t use it as a commuter. Get a junkyard 4L60, and spend an afternoon cleaning the interior.
Gimme that big hunk of American Pie.
I don’t really like either. My neighbor has one of those Suburbans and he is ALWAYS working on it as one thing after another goes wrong with it. A former housemate had that gen of Xterra and it justr drank gas. I guess if you forced me to choose- sure- I “guess” the Xterra…
Nissan parts are way more expensive than the parts for the Suburban, and when you are done, the Suburban is the more desirable of the two vehicles.
Both these are junk because broken transmission, but as above, big dirty Chevy parts are, presumably, available in scrap yards everywhere for next to nothing.
more importantly the 700R4 auto is relatively cheap and plentiful.
The RE5R05A is actually a decent transmission. These got a bad rap for faulty transmission cooler seals letting go, allowing coolant and transmission fluid to become a strawberry milkshake and taking the unit out with it.
I have seen EXXON Restrooms that are cleaner than these pigs…WTF? No. My fear is that on either one the known issues are the tip of the iceberg. If the inside of your ride looks that shitty, there should be concern about the owner’s concern for all the mechanicals involved. Jesus NFW on either choice here today.
But if forced to choose I say the NISSAN wins strictly on the basis of mandated safety items. If one has to drive a Port A Potty on wheels ALWAYS pick the safer vehicle.
Seriously. I realize that these are in FAR from good mechanical condition, so waxing them to a showroom shine might be a little overkill, but when you’re asking for 4-figures of someone’s hard-earned, you gotta at least pick up the garbage strewn about the interior.
The vehicles are what they are, but I wouldn’t want to deal with either seller who thinks this is appropriate.
I’m going Xterra. The transmission can be fixed with a Titan engine trans swap. And the 2wd can also be fixed with a Titan swap.
Ehh, I mean you’re not wrong but it’s not going to be cheap…
I see the Nissan also transforms into a Toyota.
Maybe it was the CorollaCross test mule?
I think Mark wanted to give us a picture of a clean interior – since neither of these has one, the Toyota stepped up as a sub.
XTerra. It comes with its own built in winter mode, how cool is that? Plus, reverse is nice to have. I’d previously owned a Suzuki Equator, built on the Frontier platform, from which this was derived. It’s a nice rig and not too awful on gas (I got about 17 MPG, mostly city, in mine).
I voted for the Suburban. For the price finding a rebuilt transmission or boneyard one should be pretty easy. Even a high cost to replace is worth it.
The Suburban is the winner, all day long. The OBS has aged extremely well, and the 4L60’s issue here seems like an anomaly, whereas this generation Xterra/Pathfinder/Frontier’s transmission is famously junky.