Home » Volkswagen Allegedly Fires Design Chief For Being Too Awesome

Volkswagen Allegedly Fires Design Chief For Being Too Awesome

Vw Design Top

Brands are, famously, not your friends. That doesn’t mean you can’t like brands — that doesn’t mean you can’t love brands, really. I love Skoda, for instance. It does mean, however, that you cannot expect a brand to do anything out of a love for you. In the case of Volkswagen, it’s honestly better to expect the brand to do something that makes you outright angry for no other reason than it is Volkswagen and that’s kinda its deal lately.

Welcome to The Morning… Something. We’re coming up with a name and graphics, eventually. Today we’re gonna start off with Volkswagen and a little bad news buried in some good news. Then we’re going to talk about Honda and ORA Funky Cats.

Get It Together VW

Vw Design Two

Vidframe Min Top
Vidframe Min Bottom

I like VW. At least, I want to like VW. In spite of everything you have to swallow to like the German carmaker, I’m happier in a world where VW is as good as its promise to be a friendly carmaker making nice cars for good people. I’d rather not think about the company’s misguided attempt to make dull, de-contented cars in the mid-2000s. Honestly, I’m happier ignoring Dieselgate. When I saw an ID.4 on the street it is more pleasing to think of how cute it looks and how it’s a decent value and not, say, about the annoying infotainment system or the warranty business[Editor’s Note: And then, obviously, there’s the company’s inception, which happened during a dark era in German history and at the hands of a man so evil, he all but eliminated his then-common first name. -DT].

A good example is the ID.Buzz. It’s a retro throwback van and it looks incredible and, honestly, I’m willing to swallow a lot for a clever design that results in a funky van. Surely, Volkswagen will see the opening they have in front of their eyes and run with the ball.

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Oh, no…

There’s a story in Germany’s Automobilewoche that highlights the promotion of Bentley Design chief Andreas Mindt to the head of Volkswagen brand styling. Buried in that story is a kind of key detail, though, about what’s happening to current design chief, Jozef Kaban:

VW brand’s new CEO, Thomas Schaefer, has not been impressed by some of Kaban’s designs, according to sources.

Kaban was asked to change the retro styling of the ID Life concept unveiled at the 2021 IAA Munich auto show for a more modern look. The concept was supposed to preview the look of VW’s entry-level ID electric car due in 2025.

Schaefer also asked Kaban’s design team to rework the styling VW brand’s upcoming Trinity flagship EV to give it a crossover look instead of a sedan appearance.

I’m not saying that VW’s CEO made the wrong decision. I don’t know. Maybe he’s right and maybe I’m wrong. Above is the ID Life concept and, frankly, I bet the original drawing is better. Maybe Automobilewoche is wrong. I’m just saying that there are two things I believe:

  1. Actually, sedans are good platforms for EVs, and you can find a happy middle ground with cars like the Citroen C4X, which is weird but good.
  2. The retro stuff is good. VW should lean into its heritage.

This is why people don’t ask me to make these decisions, I suppose.

The ORA Funky Cat First Editions Are Landing In The UK

Gridserveoracat

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You know who gets it? ORA. The Chinese-owned Great Wall Motors affiliate (the name stands for Open, Reliable, Alternative) builds a car that seems both retro and modern. The company has slowly been working its way into Europe, and the first cars, the aptly named ORA Funky Cat First Edition EVs, are just arriving in the United Kingdom.

The first editions come loaded with the kind of tech you’d expect, including 360-degree cameras, lane keep assist, wireless phone charging, et cetera. The battery is a 48-kWh setup offering 193 miles of range on the WLTP cycle. You can get into a first edition for about 32,000 GBP, which should bring it just under the base  Smarts.

If you want to check one out, GRIDSERVE Car Leasing’s Electric Forecourt in Braintree (like a rest stop for EVs with a showroom) has one to test drive. A lease of one of these vehicles is 420 GBP or about $516 a month and it includes all the charging you want for the first three months.

Honda Wants To Make EVs Happen Faster

Screen Shot 2023 01 24 At 5.10.40 Pm

Here’s my view of electrification at Japanese automakers:

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  • Nissan: Too Early.
  • Toyota: Too Late.
  • Honda: Too Weird.

Hopefully, Honda will rectify this situation. Hope comes in the form of a Reuters article (“Honda to create devision to speed up electrification development”):

In changes effective April 1, the new division would consolidate the Japanese automaker’s electrification strategy and development of automobiles, motorcycles and power products such as generators, it said in a statement.

The Japanese automaker also said it would combine current six regional operations to three, composed of North America, China and associated regions including Japan, the rest of Asia and Europe.

Honda has a great team of engineers and a strong brand and every opportunity to get this right. Stuff like the Honda N-Van is quirky, but clever, even if not right for the global market. The Honda Prologue EV is not exciting, but it’s also not exciting in the good kinda Honda way. The biggest knock against the Honda is that it’s a GM platform that it didn’t develop. Sounds like Honda recognizes this and is going to try and fix it.

The English City Of Leeds Seems To Be Proudly Anti-Car

[Editor’s Note. Matt had to run, so it is I, David Tracy, writing this final section of The Morning (who knows what). Also, I should note that the video above is largely irrelevant to the story. -DT]. 

I think it’s good to be reminded that some people find this beloved passion of ours to be a menace on society. I think it’s a bit silly to paint it like that, but everyone driving their own Chevy Suburban probably isn’t going to lead to the happiest, healthiest world, so I get it. Today’s anti-car sentiments come from the city of Leeds, which is trying to cut down on car use. From the BBC (emphasis mine):

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[Councillor] Mr Hart-Brooke said: “I worry when I see things like that, because, ultimately, charging and adding costs in disadvantages the poor in our society disproportionately.

“It’s not the guy in the 4×4 or the Volvo who won’t drive, they’ll pay whatever.

“We really need to get the options stood up that are carrots before we go in with the sticks.

“We’re developing a reputation as an anti-car city. That’s great, but we need the options for people to use as an alternative.”

Okay, admittedly, things got a lot more reasonably the farther down you read in that article:

Responding to Mr Hart-Brooke, Ms Hayden, the council’s executive member for climate, said: “The strategy is for Leeds to be a place where you don’t need a car, and that will benefit the poorest the most because they don’t have cars at the moment, yet they suffer five times more from air quality-related illnesses.

“We’re not anti-car. [The ambition] is not ‘You shouldn’t have a car’. It’s ‘You don’t need a car’.

“I don’t want to bring in any more charges than there are at the moment, but that’s not to say you don’t have it in your arsenal.

She said efforts were being made to improve public transport, install more cycle ways and make walking and biking “easier and safer”.

But, she said: “If all those don’t work you need something in your back pocket to be a silver bullet, or to really move things along.”

The BBC notes that Leeds’ city council wants is gunning for a 30 percent drop in car use by 2030.

The… IDK

Is VW going in the right direction or the wrong direction? Prove me wrong.

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Photos: Volkswagen, ORA, Honda

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BigThingsComin
BigThingsComin
1 year ago

The Leeds Councillor is another idiot that doesn’t understand what carrot and stick means. It’s not a stand-in for “reward and punishment.” It means offering a reward that will never come, and is always out of reach. A false enticement. Picture the old-timey illustrations of a poor, depressed donkey with a long stick over its head and a carrot dangling from the end of the stick. It was an incentive for the donkey to keep moving forward.

It’s almost like climate change amelioration.

Mr. Asa
Mr. Asa
1 year ago

So I think “Morning Dump” is just fine. Why? Cause you’re dumping the clutch.
Next bit could be Powershift, then flat-shift, then bangshift, and finally we’d have something like “cracked case” or “clutch replacement”

Loudog
Loudog
1 year ago
Reply to  Mr. Asa

Or, “The morning upshift” because you’re just getting going. Finish it up with the “Clutch Dump” and run like hell.

DadBod
DadBod
1 year ago

I just bought a 2003 EuroVan Weekender, and I am now back in love with VW. I had a Jetta in the 1990s that was fun to drive and an absolute hunk of shit to maintain.
But this van absolutely rules. Clever packaging, hauls 4×8 sheetgoods, has a tape deck with auto-reverse. When the transmission inevitably fails I will pay whatever it costs to put in another. It’s that fun to own. My kids love it. My wife loves it. My dog loves it.
If they had a 2024 version it would sell like hotcakes.

MaximillianMeen
MaximillianMeen
1 year ago

Morning Informational Avalanche on The Autopian
Morning International Autopians Testy Articles
Motoring Information Autopians Totally Admire
More Information Almost Totally Accurate

Truck Gunnhammer
Truck Gunnhammer
1 year ago

Trying to get hits on testy articles? NO WAY, BRO, that sounds really painful.

Dusty Kornphartz
Dusty Kornphartz
1 year ago

So what you are saying is Miata is always the answer?

MiniDave
MiniDave
1 year ago

I saw my first Id4 yesterday, and I was completely …….underwhelmed. It was a black box with black wheels, completely indistinguishable from all the other black boxes with black wheels in the parking lot. The only reason I knew what it was? I saw the emblem as I walked past it.

So, if this is what VW thinks people want……OK I guess. I can’t see it – especially when I see other, better, more interesting designs in this same article.

BTW, I don’t know what sets the “Funky Cat” apart from other small cars from that one pic, but I’m sure not seeing it. Esp for $36K GBP……

MiniDave
MiniDave
1 year ago
Reply to  MiniDave

Sorry, $32K GBP…..

PL71-Enthusiast
PL71-Enthusiast
1 year ago
Reply to  MiniDave

That’s kind of been one of the selling points of VWs in the past though. They’ve always not looked like some sort of creature from outer space *cougheveryjapanesemanufacturererrightnowcough*

We’ve gone so insane on styling that generic has become different.

Ranwhenparked
Ranwhenparked
1 year ago

I’m pretty sure “don’t be too awesome” is part of the job description for Subaru’s design positions, maybe this is a sign VW sees them as a strategic threat?

Drew
Drew
1 year ago

I think the Buzz is the right direction, but it’s hard to get excited about anything else VW is doing. I wanted to like the ID4, but it’s nothing special. Hyundai/Kia are doing better in the same space and VW feels like they phoned it in. The only advantage VW has in the space is that they were ahead of others in moving to US manufacturing, but that won’t be enough without interesting products.

VelvetElvis
VelvetElvis
1 year ago

If Jason has the Cold Start, it would make sense for this post the be the Fast Idle.

But not Choke. Choke is bad.

Canopysaurus
Canopysaurus
1 year ago

Reaching into my war-monger history, I was going to suggest “Reveille” as a replacement for “The Morning Dump,” but, fuck it, no one can spell reveille, especially in the morning.

DarKhorse
DarKhorse
1 year ago
Reply to  Canopysaurus

How about shortening it to just: “Rev” Or maybe “The Morning Rev”?

Canopysaurus
Canopysaurus
1 year ago
Reply to  DarKhorse

As in revving the engine? That is better.

stefthepef
1 year ago
Reply to  Canopysaurus

Absolutely not.

Signed,
Everyone who hates the aggies

Hollis
Hollis
1 year ago

The Morning Dump suggestion:

How about calling it “Cold Start”?

mdharrell
mdharrell
1 year ago

“Is VW going in the right direction or the wrong direction?”

Oh, definitely the wrong direction. I’ve owned two VWs, a ’74 and a ’77 Beetle. The ’74 was carbureted but the ’77 was fuel injected. I assume matters have only gotten worse since then.

stefthepef
1 year ago
Reply to  mdharrell

I really like the new retro exteriors, but the interiors. Woof. Way in the wrong direction. The whole joy of VWs was that they were simply laid out and easy to use inside. Now? Get that capacitive garbage outta here, especially on the wheel. Return to physical buttons and knobs, please. Oh, and backlight that stuff so you can actually see it at night.

SomethingClever
SomethingClever
1 year ago

The morning dump is a great loss of sponsorship potential. Metamucil, some sort of coffee, a vegetable growers association add, colon blow. All great opportunities. Not that we want this site to turn into that other place, but the child in me thinks you could have some genuine fun with it. If we must grow up how about “Morning Movement” this is a site about all things that move.

Toecutter
Toecutter
1 year ago

“Morning Motion” can work too. I’m quite fond of “Daily Dump”. I don’t get why it needs to be changed? I was a bit disappointed when the other site got rid of “Crack Pipe” from the title in its closest equivalent to this site’s “Shitbox Showdown”.

stefthepef
1 year ago

I really like The Morning Dump. It’s what I’m doing at about this time, anyway. “Flush” is great. There’s no shame in pooping, folks. Everybody poops.

mber
mber
1 year ago

Why Honda is not flooding US dealers with the Honda E is beyond me. People would flock to a sub-30k, useful EV that has that H on it.

365daytonafan
365daytonafan
1 year ago
Reply to  mber

The 137 mile WLTP range might be a tough sell stateside even if that is probably more than enough for city use.

AndrewDaisuke
AndrewDaisuke
1 year ago
Reply to  mber

I’ve been screaming that into the void forever. It makes absolutely no sense why a smaller, (relatively) cheap EV wouldn’t work here in US cities. I would go buy one tomorrow if I could.

ES
ES
1 year ago

purely as an aside, to the editorial aside regarding a certain given name disappearing due the actions of it’s most famous possessor: it’s funny how persuasive mass opinions can be, even for something as personal as naming children. my given name is inherited, and somewhat infrequently given in this country. in 1910, i think it was used on 3 or 4 out of every 100 boy babies born in the usa; in 1920, fewer than 1 in a 1000 were so branded, and it’s never recovered. This despite no one of military or political notoriety in the german second reich or a-h empire sharing the name. it just sounded too teutonic. anyone of note with my name in the last 3/4 of the 20th century was either eastern european or scandanavian.

SNL_LOL Jr
SNL_LOL Jr
1 year ago

People in Leeds don’t need to ride in cars. They ride sheep.
Glory Glory Man United

Overdrv
Overdrv
1 year ago

The AM Spin
The PreDawn perspective
The 24Hours Update
The Next Lap
The Daily Duce
5 Speed Information

bober
bober
1 year ago

I’ve never seen a Lincoln police car before. When and where were they used?

MaximillianMeen
MaximillianMeen
1 year ago
Reply to  bober

I’m wondering if someone just face swapped a Town Car facia onto a Crown Vic or put the lights on a Town Car. I can’t imagine that it came from Ford that way.

Maymar
Maymar
1 year ago

Oh no, that’s a FWD Lincoln Continental, which is even more perplexing. I’m assuming something to the effect of it ended up in the UK for a senior (in multiple counts) US military officer, and never got brought back here, and then bought cheap because who in the UK wants a FWD Lincoln Continental? Current owner figures “it’s a big V8 American saloon, so close enough,” and copifies it.

Captain Muppet
Captain Muppet
1 year ago
Reply to  Maymar

Hello, Englishman here.

We don’t know what your cars are. Yellow ones are taxis, black and white ones are police cars, red ones with a white stripe are undercover police cars.

We apologise (although in a vaguely superior way that makes you resent us).

andyindividual
andyindividual
1 year ago

This is pure ageism. Kaban got too old. VW needs to hire some 12 year olds to style their cars in order to keep up with the Japanese. That show car clearly does not have enough goofy stuff (door lights aside), or superfluous cladding. It doesn’t even have a floating roof for crying out loud!

DarKhorse
DarKhorse
1 year ago
Reply to  andyindividual

Needs moar anthropomorphic hamsters.

DDRDAN
DDRDAN
1 year ago

Imagine you’re really into tubas. You just love collecting tubas, playing tubas, fixing tubas. You go to bed each night staring at a life-size portrait of John Philip Sousa on your wall. So naturally, you think everyone would benefit from being into tubas. It would be great if everyone appreciated tubas. And you’re maybe right!

Now imagine saying that everyone should be forced to own a tuba, and for their tuba to be a $400 line item on their monthly budget. Pretty messed up, right?

When it comes to cars, that’s essentially how a lot of places are set up. Aaron Gordon called it “commuter culture”: the status quo of needing a car to function in our society, and car enthusiasts’ self-defeating defense of this status quo. When your society essentially has an expensive-ass, regressive transportation tax on everyone, everyone loses. My ride for the last five years has been a car gifted from a family member–a car I needed in order to get anywhere. The corresponding lack of car payment was the chief reason I was able to save the money for my Master’s degree. Not everyone gets that luxury.

So let’s maybe pause for a deep breath before raising our pitchforks at places like Leeds that are trying to give people different modes of transportation. How many fewer generic gray CUVs would OEMs produce if the daily driver, as a concept, didn’t exist? How many more ambitious wrenching projects would you take on if you didn’t absolutely need your car to be running the next day in order to get groceries or go to work? What glorious shitboxes would you own if you didn’t actually need something reliable to run 7 days a week?

andehans
andehans
1 year ago

Pretty sure the capacitive buttons got Kaban “promoted” at VW

MrLM002
MrLM002
1 year ago

VW is going in the wrong direction. I would have bought an ID.Buggy with the plastic body and everything but they decided not to make it. The ID.Buzz has too long of a front end to be treated like a classic VW, the A pillars are massive and with their angle they do a good job of creating massive blindspots.

I don’t think I’ll buy a new VW product ever, and I love VW, just not new VW.

andyindividual
andyindividual
1 year ago
Reply to  MrLM002

I’m a happy owner of a 2018 VW, but I see nothing from their current or announced NA lineup that I would desire or even find suitable for my use. I feel like they lost the script and forgot the plot.

v10omous
v10omous
1 year ago

“I think it’s good to be reminded that some people find this beloved passion of ours to be a menace on society.”

OK, just so long as we aren’t reminded of this here on a daily basis. Mainstream news does a pretty good job explaining in great detail how retrograde and low status it is to want to own, work on, and appreciate things that burn fuel. Much better to live in a crowded city and take mass transit everywhere, while renting a small EV (all the car anyone ever “needs”, natch) for road trips. Certain nameless (but familiar to most of us) “car enthusiast” websites seem to be more interested in telling us how bad cars are than actually loving them.

I don’t think it’s being denialist or “anti-science” to have a place where we mostly focus on the positives of car enthusiasm. I think this site has done a pretty good job of that so far, just hoping it continues.

Luxobarge
Luxobarge
1 year ago
Reply to  v10omous

I read The Autopian’s philosophy more as wanting a car to be something you buy because you like it, not something you have to have because of poor urban design. Driving a quarter mile to pick up a gallon of milk becasue there’s no sidewalk or being stuck in traffic because there’s no other way to get to work doesn;t meet that standard. They want every interaction with a car to be one you choose–not one you’re forced into–and every drive in a car to be a joy.

(Hey, Jason and David, feel free to steal this one.)

v10omous
v10omous
1 year ago
Reply to  Luxobarge

I mean I’m a big fan of everyone buying what makes them happy, but I don’t really want to read articles here about urban design, about how great mass transit is, or about the latest review of a bicycle. Not just because there are plenty of other places to read that stuff if you’re so inclined, but also because all those topics seemingly must be infused with an undercurrent of how superior the writer is for doing something enlightened vs you, the Neanderthal pickup owner. Again, this is a criticism of the old place, not here. I just want it to stay that way.

Alex
Alex
1 year ago
Reply to  v10omous

The thing is… well two things. One is that in addition to being into cars, I come here because I like the authors – their stories, how they write, the perspective they bring. I would like to read their thoughts on more than just cars. Bikes, motorcycles, vehicle infrastructure – these are all automotive adjacent and are a reasonable direction the site to start to spread. Some manual (ie – skip the articles you don’t like) or automated (if they can pull it off) filtering would easily allow the site to cater both to those who are here exclusively for automotive content and those who would read nearly anything David writes down. Let’s also consider that many car enthusiasts end up liking other things that go (bikes, trains, camels, etc). What’s wrong with a adding some range to the topics discussed? Sure I could go cruise a bike blog, but my favorite writers won’t be there…

Second item – while I agree there is no need for superior attitudes (and let’s be honest, it doesn’t sound very on brand for Jason and David), all the non-automotive topics you mentioned really do support car enthusiasm. I can own an oldish tuned GTI because I don’t have to drive it every day (meaning fuel mileage and reliability is less of an issue) and I can take the train to work tomorrow when snow is forecasted.

Mabite
Mabite
1 year ago
Reply to  v10omous

Hey team, i’m all in for “read articles here about urban design, about how great mass transit is, or about the latest review of a bicycle.”

Mercedes Streeter
1 year ago
Reply to  v10omous

I can’t guarantee that you’ll never read a review of a bicycle. But if you do, it’ll be because that bike captivated us for some reason. Maybe someone put a Tesla motor in it or something. lol Anyway, for as long as this site is online, we’ll champion this hobby for everyone. Love V10s? Love EVs? We love all kinds of car people! And hey, some of that may involve talking about infrastructure and whatnot if we think we need to.

What I don’t see us doing is hoisting up the sorts of hot takes that you’ve seen elsewhere that run counter to our mission of spreading the joy that cars/trucks/planes/trains/motorcycles can bring. We also hope to give more of a spotlight on trucks, and not just the tiny ones, because trucks are cool, too!

Captain Muppet
Captain Muppet
1 year ago

I like bicycle content. But not bicycle content that’s driven by environmental smugness. Or written by someone who has no idea what they are doing.

There is some fun and weird engineering in bikes (I’m in to odd 90’s MTBs) and as long as the content is enthused by the joy of it I’ll read it.

SunnySide
SunnySide
1 year ago
Reply to  v10omous

I mostly stopped going to the old site even before David and Torch left because why would I go to a site about cars when everyday (seemed like it anyway) there’s some anti-car article?

Fireball
Fireball
1 year ago

How about the Daily Distributor? You could even get clever and number the items in firing orders. Four items: 1, 3, 4, 2 or 1, 4, 3, 2. Five items: 1, 2, 4, 5, 3, Six items: 1, 5, 3, 6, 2, 4 or 1, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2. And so on.

Phil Layshio
Phil Layshio
1 year ago
Reply to  Fireball

I mean I was ok with the previous title, but this is good. Maybe “morning warmup” or something.

Marteau
Marteau
1 year ago
Reply to  Phil Layshio

I like the warm up, that’s good, don’t even need to be “the morning”

3WiperB
3WiperB
1 year ago
Reply to  Fireball

The Daily Distributor would have points. Adjusting those points seems fitting of the title.

Fireball
Fireball
1 year ago
Reply to  3WiperB

The final wrapup question could be the “Dwell”

Mr. Asa
Mr. Asa
1 year ago
Reply to  Fireball

Nice

nemebean
nemebean
1 year ago
Reply to  Fireball

This is my favorite suggestion so far. It works with the list form of the article and is also appropriately nerdy. The only question is what to do with The Flush.

TomMetcalf
TomMetcalf
1 year ago
Reply to  Fireball

I like that.
On a partially related note, my CJ5’s Dauntless v6 has a firing order of 6,1,2,3,4,5. Why don’t they just call it 1,2,3,4,5,6? It seems insane to me.

Fireball
Fireball
1 year ago
Reply to  TomMetcalf

The Dauntless is what I used for the reference. I have a few myself.

I imagine you always start at top dead center on cylinder 1 hence the silly firing order.

Mr. Asa
Mr. Asa
1 year ago
Reply to  Fireball

The only good six cylinder firing order is 153624

SarlaccRoadster
SarlaccRoadster
1 year ago
Reply to  Fireball

I think every list should be numbered in firing orders of engines.
Using 1-7-5-11-3-9-6-12-2-8-4-10 (Ferrari V12 firing order) to number things just makes sense 🙂

Fuzzyweis
Fuzzyweis
1 year ago

VW doesn’t seem to be going in any direction, the ID EVs infotainment mess, the ID Buzz’s never actually going on sale, Electrify America sites having more charges down then working. They’re just all over the place and no place at the same time. They just need to make an e-Golf that gets 200 miles of range and send it.

Also I’m not really a VW superfan but lately have no idea what cars they have besides the Golf. Do they still have the Passat? I’m not going to bother to look it up, but I get confused between the ID3 and ID4, I think the ID4 is the one the US got? They have little brand identity for being one of the largest automakers. That rabbit looking concept car is cool, they should do that but if it’s anything like the Buzz we won’t see it for 20 years, if at all.

10001010
10001010
1 year ago
Reply to  Fuzzyweis

If they sold the short wheelbase ID.Buzz over here I’d be more interested, otherwise it’s just another minivan.
If they sold the ID.3 over here with a performance package that matches the Model3’s performance/range/price I’d be way more interested.

10001010
10001010
1 year ago

If you guys are committed to replacing The Morning Dump, which is a shame, but if you do, then “The Morning… Something” is the best alternative I’ve heard so far.

strangek
strangek
1 year ago
Reply to  10001010

They seem to be worried about the “Dump” part, but what if the “Morning” part is the problem? “The Giant Dump.” There, it’s fixed.

10001010
10001010
1 year ago
Reply to  strangek

The Daily Dump has a nice alliterative ring to it.

Toecutter
Toecutter
1 year ago
Reply to  10001010

It works because the articles are just the right size to read while performing a bodily ablution.

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