Home » What The Hell Is Going On Here: Cold Start

What The Hell Is Going On Here: Cold Start

Cs Polski1

Hey pals! Ready to start your day with a nice big steaming cup of whatthefuck? Sure you are! We all are! So, with that in mind, I invite you to take a nice big swig of whatever the hell is going on with that 1980 Polski Fiat brochure cover up there. Is this a still from a scene in a musical? Are Piotr, Wojciech, and Borys over there about to burst into some song where they take turns trying to convince Katarzyna there that she should go out with them? But, really, Katarzyna only loves her red Polski Fiat 125p, and they should just deal with that? Is that what’s happening here?

Maybe things make more sense inside the brochure:

Cs Polski Wagon

Vidframe Min Top
Vidframe Min Bottom

Ha ha ha, nope! They sure don’t!

What’s happening here? Dude parks in a dirt field surrounded by scrubby forest and tells the pair of substantially packed, middle-aged, besweatered women “we’re here!” Were they expecting a hotel, or perhaps, you know, any sort of building whatsoever? Maybe, but tough shit, right? You ladies get dropped off with all your suitcases here on this dirt clearing, and you can figure out your vacation from there. Have fun!

ADVERTISEMENT
Ad Placeholder Wide Top Banner

And what’s with the black pen lines that are outlining and emphasizing the window frames and door cutlines and the rubber weatherstripping around the rear hatch and the taillights? That’s weird, right? Someone has clearly outlined those windows. Is that what they think sells cars? Really noticeable window frames and rubber weatherstripping? Okay.

Cs Polskifiattrunk

At least these Polski Fiat people know how to pack a trunk, though. Hot damn that is a well-packed trunk! There’s no wasted space anywhere! Mmm-mmm-MMMMM!

 

Facebook
WhatsApp
Twitter
LinkedIn
Reddit
45 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Automobiliaobsessive
Automobiliaobsessive
1 year ago

Is that shifter in your pocket … or are you just happy to see me?

Boulevard_Yachtsman
Boulevard_Yachtsman
1 year ago

I’m not sure what the guys said, but I’m pretty sure her answer was
“Fortunately, I’m Available Tonight”.

msisaacs
msisaacs
1 year ago

I just hope she picks the guy with the moustache, because his shirt is made of Bumbleflex!

Maymar
Maymar
1 year ago

It’s the Polish version of the Dating Game. First prize is the Fiat, second prize is the date, third prize is a year’s supply of pierogis.

SlowCarFast
SlowCarFast
1 year ago
Reply to  Maymar

I’ll take the pierogis!

B85S5DSG
B85S5DSG
1 year ago
Reply to  Maymar

Pierogi is already plural.

Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
1 year ago

“What The Hell Is Going On Here”

A dating scene even more desperate than San Jose’s, that’s what’s going on.

Luxobarge
Luxobarge
1 year ago

Forget the weird pictures–I want to know why the Polish brochure for an Italian automaker is in English.

Flying Monstera
Flying Monstera
1 year ago

Note the massive red toolbox is the most accessible item in the final photo. Ready for the inevitable breakdown.

IRegertNothing, Esq.
IRegertNothing, Esq.
1 year ago

I know that I have an increasingly disturbing tendency to boil these ads down to being people who are about to fuck, but come on. These people are definitely going to fuck. It’s your fault for choosing pictures like this over and over again, Torch.

SLIDTossedPissedinto BleuCHSaladwCroutons
SLIDTossedPissedinto BleuCHSaladwCroutons
1 year ago

Whats the Polish translation of “Fuck”?

DWSmith
DWSmith
1 year ago

Checking my notes here, it appears to be “Fuck”.

Rich Mason
Rich Mason
1 year ago

Putin.

SNL_LOL Jr
SNL_LOL Jr
1 year ago
Reply to  Rich Mason

Well, it does say “Put-In.”

(joke stolen from somewhere)

CatMan
CatMan
1 year ago

Pretty sure two of those three Wild and Crazy Guys are Yortuk and Georg Festrunk looking to score with the foxes

Lokki
Lokki
1 year ago

I think it’s pretty obvious – she has obtained a car (through sleeping with a Communist Party Official?) and the boys are negotiating with her to join her in her escape from behind the Iron Curtain. This explains why they are loading up the car in a field near the border, and why they are taking all the luggage the car will carry, and then some.

Torch, this is before funny old Commie hating Ronald Regan got Gorbachev to “tear down that wall!” and people were doing desperate things (like trusting Fiat reliability) to escape.

https://www.rferl.org/a/great-escapes-iron-curtain-berlin-wall-communism-1989/30260367.html

andehans
andehans
1 year ago

This is still pre-Solidarność, or Solidarity, and pre-Lech Wałęsa, so this is maybe selling the dream of a liberal and free Poland? Grew up with Polski-Fiat and FSO’s in Norway in the 70’s and 80’s and still have a dream of finding a FSO 125p Pick-up, the only pick-up version of the Fiat 125?

Sklooner
Sklooner
1 year ago
Reply to  andehans

Polski-mino ?

Lbruneel
Lbruneel
1 year ago

Back in the Stone Age when my high school played Hamtramck in football we would see scenes like this all the time in the parking lot. Only now do I realize that we were seeing the start of erotic Polish cinema.

Boxing Pistons
Boxing Pistons
1 year ago

The first photo looks like a promo for a “Three’s Company” type of show, but with the male/female ratio reversed and increased.

This Guy
This Guy
1 year ago

Well clearly the first pic says to ladies: Buy this car, and you can have your pick of skeezy lounge lizards.

The inside picture IS the group unloading for vacation on a deserted stretch of road. Remember, this was Cold War Poland, so you took what you could get for vacation.

The trunk picture demonstrates the quantity of state secrets you can fit in the back to buy your way to the west.

SNL_LOL Jr
SNL_LOL Jr
1 year ago
Reply to  This Guy

The second picture is exactly how Manos: Hands of Fate started.

B85S5DSG
B85S5DSG
1 year ago
Reply to  This Guy

In cold war Poland people didn’t have cars, much less vacations.

mber
mber
1 year ago

That top photo looks like the beginning of one of those movies that you fast forward through the beginning of.

Rich Mason
Rich Mason
1 year ago
Reply to  mber

But if you do that you miss the great music…

flyingstitch
flyingstitch
1 year ago

They clearly forgot the hair spray for the wagon photo shoot, because the wind is having its way and there’s nothing they can do about it.

MATTinMKE
MATTinMKE
1 year ago
Reply to  flyingstitch

Those people look cold.

E S
E S
1 year ago

Ahhh…back in the day when automakers used to put complex engineering specs in their brochures. Do you think the average CR-V buyer gives any f**ks about the steering ratio, let alone know if 1:16.4 is good or not? They want to know 1) if it has CarPlay and 2) if there a grocery bag hook in the back.

RadBarchetta
RadBarchetta
1 year ago

The top image looks like a promotional image from a 70s Eastern European production of Grease, or possibly West Side Story.

What I really want to know is what the hell is up with the cartoon windows in the luggage-loading scene.

ADDvanced
1 year ago
Reply to  RadBarchetta

I would have gone with porno

Canopysaurus
Canopysaurus
1 year ago

????You are supreme (ah-ah), the chicks’ll cream (ah-ah), for greased lightnin’
(Go go go, go go go go go go go go)????

jb996
jb996
1 year ago

She’s nervous, so keeping the car between them, but clearly interested in their proposal. I would say they’re negotiating. Rules of Engagement, so to speak.

SLIDTossedPissedinto BleuCHSaladwCroutons
SLIDTossedPissedinto BleuCHSaladwCroutons
1 year ago
Reply to  jb996

How many bars of Cold Pressed Latinum?

CoolDave
CoolDave
1 year ago

I think those guys are all trying to give her a little Polski of their own if you know what I mean!

Mr.Asa
Mr.Asa
1 year ago

Katarzyna wants to drive stick. Unfortunately, the Polski shown is an automatic. That’s what’s going on there.

As for the pen lines, someone took a bad picture and they “fixed” it in post?

DubblewhopperNdubbletrubble
DubblewhopperNdubbletrubble
1 year ago

So, there is a knock off Freddie Mercury, John Travolta and Ritchie Cunningham with a knock off Madonna or whoever….what the hell IS going on??

I love the man just standing behind the vehicle there with a “Just fucking kill me now” look on his face.

Mr.Asa
Mr.Asa
1 year ago

“What do I do with my hands?”

MaximillianMeen
MaximillianMeen
1 year ago

Pretty sure these are scenes from the Polish version of “That 70’s Show.” The red head guy is the quirky foreigner from Minnesota, Fred. Mustashioed guy is the dumb one, Kielboso, and the John Travolta knock-off is Erickt Foreskinski. Of course, the red head girl is Donnavova.

The wagon scene is Erickt’s family:
dad-Comrade Red, constantly pissed off about his assembly line job at the nesting doll factory.
slutty sister in yellow sweater, Lauranova, who disappoints her parents because she is still single at the ripe old age of 15.
mom-Kittiyinski pulling the chopped-up remains of Hyderstinshi and Jackionna out of the wagon to ditch the evidence. Comrade Red got pissed when he caught the two of them smoking his last decadent American cigarette. You know how hard it is to get those in Communist Poland?!?

Sklooner
Sklooner
1 year ago

Using a knock off Lada too

Gilbertwham
Gilbertwham
1 year ago

My guess? There’s only a few car-related pics After that, things got heavy, pants came off, and they sold the second and third rolls of film from that first Photoshoot to Swedish Erotica.

JakobKsGarage
JakobKsGarage
1 year ago

Since she’s somehow gotten a 125p without being on the waiting list for twenty years, she must be some important party official, who can get guys an extra loaf of bread or a can of shoe polish (no pun pun intended actually). And therefore very attractive. I dont think sex before marriage has anything to do with it.

45
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x